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June 1, 2021

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“In December of 2017 I attempted to take my life

“In December of 2017 I attempted to take my life. Years of depression, CPTSD, and being surrounded by people unwilling to learn, help, or be sympathetic resulted in me not wanting to be here. Anytime I had big emotions my family couldn’t handle, it was my fault, not the years of abuse and trauma living inside me. Who would want to be alive if that was their lived experience?

When I left the hospital, I didn’t know how to get back to “normal” life. I started therapy but I was still drowning. In March of 2018 I reached out to M to be a participant in their project, Faces of Fortitude. I remember M telling me they didn’t take on participants so close to their time of attempt, but I seemed to be in a healthier place. After years of feeling hopeless, and unloved, I saw hope for my future.

Sitting on the stool in the studio was the first time I was going to talk about what happened in depth, and not clinically.The first time I was going to dive deep into the why, with someone who cared, someone who wanted to know my story.

M shared their story first which made me feel comfortable to share my own. We both shared experiences of being sexually assaulted at a young age, and both had a similar family dynamic. Knowing that M knew exactly where I was in that moment made me feel seen, heard, and valued. M was the first person to call me a survivor.

Over the years, (with therapy) my mental health has gone from constantly in crisis, to being manageable. There are still nights I cry and want the pain to go away, but not to the point of suicide and I’ve been able to be a source of comfort for those who have attempted or are affected by suicide.

During Covid I had 2 people in my life try to take their lives. One didn’t make it. I make it a point to talk about my journey to show others that we all struggle, and they aren’t alone.

I want people to know, even though they’ve heard it a million times, life does get better. I know because mine did, and in ways I never thought possible! That young woman in 2017 would have missed out on some amazing things if she didn’t stay, and I’m so grateful that I did.” - Jená ❤️

Last week I had the opportunity to hear Ashley Jud

Last week I had the opportunity to hear Ashley Judd speak at the National Press Luncheon. She spoke about the horrors she endured in the hours after her mothers death by suicide because of the privacy laws in her state, and the medias disgusting reporting and lack of decency around the pain of their already traumatized family.

She gave a very vulnerable, moving as well as firm and fierce talk about the changes she is working to make with “Naomi’s Law” to hopefully protect people in the future, from the harm this process has caused them all.

Thank you to Joyal Mulheron, Founder of @live_evermore - a national nonpartisan nonprofit dedicated to improving the lives of bereaved children and families, for the invitation to join you. I am so grateful the planets aligned (barely!) to make it happen.

I wrote a little more about my experience. You can read it all at the B L O G - L I N K in my bio.

If you would like more information about Naomi’s Law you can find the link in my stories and highlights 🖤 as well as via the post itself.

And for additional Suicide Prevention resources you can visit the EDUCATE page at facesoffortitude dot art.

My session with Shana was so healing. We had both

My session with Shana was so healing. We had both lost brothers. Our siblings are the only people in our lives who can validate and confirm our childhood experiences. They have seen who we were then, who we are now, and what it took to get there. After losing my brother I was told that losing an adult sibling is like “losing pieces of your past, present and future”.

Shana’s story is so beautiful to me. It’s such a testament to the power of our souls and the energy they carry - BEYOND these meat suit bodies that are a truly just a blip in our existence.

I am excited to share an update from her, since her photo session in 2018:

Shana is a Reiki master, energy medicine practitioner and an aura photographer and analyst. She has since opened up a location in Portland where she does aura photos and Reiki. She travels the PNW doing aura readings at events.

I was so excited to learn she was part of a documentary called ParaSense: The Naked Experiments (available on all streaming platforms). “We are trying to prove physical contact from the other side with real science and I use my aura system to monitor a subject’s electromagnetic field while they are also monitored by many other sensors.”

“My brother continues to be by my side, I can feel him strong as ever. I really feel like he takes me on so many adventures, he always seems to put his mark on them to the point that I cannot deny he just wants to see me smile. I feel like the luckiest sister to have a guardian angel like him by my side.”

Thank you Shana for the update and for continuing to share your journey with us. 🖤 We are so happy you are part of the Faces of Fortitude community.

I have been spending the past year learning to pri

I have been spending the past year learning to prioritize my BLOOMS. As I carefully try to balance my growth and healing/with my work - I am realizing how important this process has been for me.

Do you know how to name your blooms when you have reactions to things? I don’t mean giving “trigger warnings” which I have said several times - that word and phrase doesn’t feel helpful or productive in these situation. I mean if you are having STRONG reaction to something, that may be connected to an older wound - do you see it in the moment? Or do you push it away for when you can better manage it (sometimes never)?

What if the next time you had a BIG feeling that felt overwhelming or scary - you took a moment to STOP what you were doing, and sit for a moment to figure out what you need? In. The. Moment. WITHOUT trying to make sense of it?

Your mental health is more important than what is happening in that moment. Close your eyes and ask yourself: If this was happening to my best friend, what would you do to hold space and comfort them?

You were the first best friend to yourself, and always have been. It’s time to start treating yourself as such.
🖤🥰

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